Kevin's Lasixperience

It's Wednesday morning, 8:45 am. I walk into the LasikPlus office about 15 minutes later than I should, but the desk attendants seem nanchalant about my tardiness. My appointment was set for 9:00 am, but I was supposed to arrive 30 minutes early for preparation (so really my appointment was at 8:30??)

After helping myself to some hot chocolate at the complementary coffee-etc bar in the lobby, I asked Jessica if she wanted anything. She wasn't interested. I thought it was something not to pass up, the cocoa was exceptional and I was sure the coffee was just as good. They seemed to have no reservations about the quality or quantity of the amenities in their coffee bar. I sat down with Jessica and finished my cup of coffee, only to feel a mighty fart coming on. How embarrassing. I went to the bathroom, which was around the corner outside of the office. I must say I was thrown off by the large, full size mirror on the bathroom wall (no, not the one above the sink). It was so clean that I was twice mistaken that the person in the reflection was another man looking on.

When returning to the lobby, I sat back down only to be told a minute later that I was to be prepped for surgery. I was briefed by what appeared to be some kind of nurse. She asked if I'd like a sleep aid, as I would be asked to sleep 4-6 hours after the surgery. I declined the Tylenol PM- my vicodin prescription for my back strongly advises not to mix with Tylenol (the 500mg of acetaminophen that the govt requires be included in every dosage of hydrocodone is dangerous enough for the liver, let alone topping it off with more tylenol, but that's a different rant for another time.)

So I opted for the valium. One or two? Two. I take the small dosage valium, and finish my briefing, only to find that the doctor is ready to see me. He seems nice enough, and I don't have any questions, so he gets right to it.

As I opted for the custom wavefront guided lasik, the doctor tells me that he needs to put two small dots on the left and right sides of both of my eyes, to be used as a reference point for the wavefront procedure. He then gives me several eyedrops to numb my eyes and proceeds to use a special pen to make the marks on my eyes. How quickly those drops work, I didn't even feel the pen touch my eye!

They lead me into the lasik room where on a bed there's a man, presumably undergoing the same procedure more or less than I am about to encounter. How strange I thought that their little OR has accommodations for up to 3 people at a time! This is because they employ the newest lasers from the three biggest companies in the lasik industry: Visx, Bausch and Lomb (we've all heard of them) and LadarVision. To tell you the truth I think there were even more lasers in there, and I'm not even sure which one that they used on me. I only know that my procedure was custom-wavefront guided.

I lay down on a table, nervous as hell as my drugs had really NO time to kick in. More numbing eyedrops. Lots of soft-comforting voices from the doctor and nurses. Each of them carefully guiding me through the steps. First they put a patch on one eye. Then a special tool in the other. I feel like Arnold.. GET TO MARS!! Next they apply some sort of crazy pressure with a tool to my eye, and my vision blacks out. Now I feel a vibration and the reverse of said vibration. Soon the pressure goes away. I can see again. I focus on the red light as instructed. The doctor comes and moves the 'flap' he just made up and away and the lasik machine seems to instantly start zapping at my eye. I couldn't feel a thing, though I must say that the experience was nerve wracking! 21 seconds. The laser is done. Cold Fluid. They are rinsing my eye. It feels kind of good in a way. Like my eye is taking a bath. More fluid. More eyedrops. Another eyedrop. This one is cloudy. Ahh they just dropped a cloud in my eye! I'm blind!!. Okay it's going away. The flap was restored. On to the next eye. The same procedure. So nervous! The tool, the blackness, the vibration. *please don't screw up, please don't screw up, please don't screw up!* Ahh. The light comes back. The flap moved again. Please, careful with my flap, don't rip it off. Now the laser again. The rinsing, the eyedrops, the cloud. "And you're done! You did great Kevin!" They sit me up. I'm disoriented, but I can see. It's all cloudy and weird. I feel like I just had eye surgery!!

No pain though, so to speak. Just nerves. The doctor gives me a quick look over with one of those crazy eye machines. Looks good! Go home and get some sleep!

On the drive home the skeptical me kicks in. "This doesn't feel like 20/20!!" What did I expect? They just got done!!

Getting home, I take some lubricating drops before a quick nap. I wake up and I had ripped off the safety goggles they gave me during my nap. Woops! Guess those things just weren't too comfortable. No pain!! No swelling, no burning or itching!! I can't believe it. The fog has cleared!! I can see!!. Now this feels like 20/20!!!! I can read the little numbers on the calendar across the room. Even the small print, January, February. Hmm.. Can't read the days though. So small. Wonder if anyone could read that. It still seems a little unclear at this point. Maybe some more getting used to. I take the first eyedrop I was given. Some sort of antibiotic. Vigamox. I go potty and come back, applying the second drops. Econopred Plus 1%.. 4 times a day of this?? This will be fun.. Oh, did I mention 20 times a day of artificial tears? Oh well, if it helps! No pain still.. I can't believe it.

Going to take Jess to the root canal specialist. More updates later. For the first time in my life, I'll drive around with 20/20 vision, and no glasses!! And it's only been 5 hours since my procedure (yeah, believe it or not, it took 20 minutes total)

Update later on, after my first driving experience.

By the way, never felt a single miligram of that damn valium kick in. I thought the stuff was supposed to work. Guess I have a high tolerance for some things, and to top it off, it was supposed to be multiplied by the vicodin.

Well, off to the Jessica. Will report back later. No pain so far.. It's amazing. I thought they'd burn or something.

-Kevin 20/20 Hoy